“SHARING AND HEALING”
                                    JANUARY  2012

ARTICLE INDEX
Pg 1 : Grieving Notes
Pg 2 : Forgiveness Quote    
Pg 2 : New Year Dangerous Time for Depressed
Pg 3 : Common Symptoms of Depression
Pg 4:  Book Review - “I Still Believe” - D. Woodland    
Pg 5 : Many Suicidal Teens Try Before High School
Pg 6 : Facebook Aims to Help
Pg 7 : Facebook Response
Pg 8 : Beloved Weathermans Suicide
Pg 9 : Recent Deaths Spur Suicide Discussion
Pg 11: Know Warning Signs
Pg 12 : WEB Site Addresses 

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New Year Dangerous Time for Depressed and Suicidal
Kevin Fagan, Chronicle Staff Writer

With every new year, it's murder and suicide for Neal Smither and his crew.

As owner of Crime Scene Cleaners, Smither's job is to clean up the messes left behind when people kill each other or themselves  —and those first few weeks after Jan. 1 are his busiest time of year.

All that holiday frivolity and togetherness may sound good in holiday songs and movies, and a lot of people do indeed get mighty joyful  —but experts say there is also a dark flip side of sadness, rage and depression that flares between Thanksgiving and the post-New Year's days.

Most people hold their feelings together during the run-up to the new year, but once the holiday letdown sets it in, calls to suicide hot lines nearly double and homicides hit their highest rate of the year. Police officers, crisis couselors and people like Smither put in some extra long days and nights.

"People have all kinds of reasons then for committing suicide or killing someone, and I've heard them all," said Smither, who with his Oakland-based crew cleans about 1,000 death scenes nationwide every year. "It can be, 'I'm really sad because I couldn't buy my kids the presents I wanted to,' or 'I'm alone,' or they're broke —so they hang themselves, slit their wrists or shoot themselves."

Nationally, the greatest number of homicides in any given year happen just after New Year's Day, the Fourth of July and Labor Day, according to the FBI's annual Uniform Crime Index. Suicides spike right after New Year's.

"People tend to postpone getting any help for the blues during the holidays, when they need them the most, so they go into a sort of state of suspended denial," said Eve Meyer, executive director of the San Francisco Suicide Prevention hot line. "So the period leading right up to New Year can actually be kind of slow for us. But then it all sinks in. Right after the first football game on Jan. 1, the calls start pouring in," she said. "Our volume goes up by 20 percent right away and builds from there."

Pushed Over The Edge

Most people who start feeling suicidal during the holidays are dealing with depression already, and what pushes them over the edge is the conflict between grim reality and an anticipation of idyllic togetherness, bounteous presents and yuletide joy. Ceaseless ads of families showering each other with love and packages, and songs playing everywhere about this being "the most wonderful time of the year" don't help.

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-difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
-fatigue and decreased energy
-feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
-feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
-insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
-irritability, restlessness
-loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
-overeating or appetite loss
-persistent aches/pains, headaches, cramps, digestive problems that do not ease with treatment
-persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
-thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

We should be aware of these symptoms and alert when working with others so if any of them seem to display multiple symptoms to a variety of degrees, we can check in with them, give them one-on-one attention to find out more details, and if needed, guide them to the appropriate resources for help.

Depression carries a high risk of suicide. Anybody who expresses suicidal thoughts or intentions should be taken very, very seriously. Do not hesitate to call your local suicide hotline immediately.

 

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BOOK REVIEW                

Every 16 minutes someone in America dies by suicide. There were more suicide deaths of young Americans in 1995 than deaths from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and lung disease combined.

In 2010, it is still the third leading cause of death of young people ages 15-24. Studies suggest that the great majority of them suffered from a diagnosable mental illness, and that most of them received either no treatment or inadequate treatment.

In  “I Still Believe” the author shares the Ryan Story —a mother’s story about her son and the mental illness that changed him, his subsequent suicide, and what Christian faith means in the light of it all.

Published in Januay 2011, Desiree, uses only 138 pages to articulate her journey of confrontation with her mind, body and soul, literally asking herself  —if God has a plan, why did it include the suicide death of my son?

Of course most suicide survivors, like Desiree and her husband Gary, and my wife Linda and I, and you, the reader of this review, question God’s purposes after this seeming unbearable, unending, grief journey that has been delegated to our own lives.

Theologian, C. S. Lewis wrote in “A Grief Observed,”  —“If a mother is mourning not for what she has lost, but for what her dead child has lost, it is a comfort to believe that the child has not lost the end for which it was created.”

Author Desiree, with “I Still Believe” has written deep-heart invasive words that honor the life of her Ryan. Then because suicide didn’t stop her love for him, she brings into open light, the life situations that envelop us with the pervasiveness of ever existing mental illness in family, friends, and society.  

Desiree, has given herself a mission —she uses every opportunity available to her to speak up about the stigma of mental illness and suicide. She supports the Albuquerque-NAMI and Survivors of Suicide support groups.

The entire book can be an intimate reading and a healing study gift to yourself —for less than $25.00 from   www.desireewoodland.com   or Amazon Books.

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Many Suicidal Teens Make First Try Before High School

Nearly 40 percent in study reported attempts in elementary or middle school.

About 40 percent of young adults who've attempted suicide made their first attempt before high school, which suggests that suicidal thoughts and behavior may begin much younger than previously believed, according to a new study.

As part of an ongoing survey, University of Washington researchers asked almost 900 young adults, ages 18 or 19, about their history of suicide attempts.

Nearly 9 percent (78) of the participants said they had attempted suicide at some point. Of those, 40 percent said they made their first attempt before they started high school.

Rates of attempted suicide jumped at around the sixth grade (about age 12) and peaked around eighth or ninth grade. Of the 39 participants who reported multiple suicide attempts, their first attempt was much earlier (as young as age 9) than those who made a single attempt.

The study also found that suicide attempts during childhood and adolescence were linked to higher depression scores at the times of the attempts.

"This suggests that kids are able to tell us, by their depression scores, that things aren't going well for them," lead author James Mazza, a professor of educational psychology, said in a university news release. "We're likely not giving kids enough credence in assessing their own mental health, and this study shows that we can rely on self-report measures to help identify youth who may be at risk for current mental health concerns, including possible suicidal behavior."

Mazza said the study reveals that young adults "who end up having chronic mental health problems show their struggles early," and the findings suggest "that implementation of mental health programs may need to start in elementary and middle schools, and that youth in these grades are fairly good reporters of their own mental health."

The study appears in the November issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health.

According to background information from the researchers, about one in nine youths attempts suicide by the time they graduate from high school.

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FACEBOOK AIMS TO HELP PREVENT SUICIDES

         By Brooke Donald

Help is just a few clicks away on Facebook for people expressing suicidal thoughts.

The social networking site launched a new feature Tuesday that enables users to connect with a counselor through a confidential chat session triggered after a friend reports distressing content.

The new tool has several benefits, experts say, in the quest to reduce the number of nearly 100 Americans who commit suicide every day.

First, it brings quick intervention at times when it can be of most help. Second, it enables troubled people to start a chat over an instant messaging system that many find more comfortable than speaking on the phone with a counselor.

"We've heard from many people who say they want to talk to someone but don't want to call. Instant message is perfect for that," said Lidia Bernik, associate project director of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

The service is the latest tool from Facebook aimed at improving safety on its site, which has more than 800 million users. This year, it announced changes to how users report bullying, offensive content and fake profiles.

"One of the big goals here is to get the person in distress into the right help as soon as possible," said Fred Wolens, Facebook's public policy manager.

In recent years, distressed people have posted their final words on Facebook.

In one high-profile case in September 2010, Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge after his roommate allegedly used a webcam to spy on his intimate encounter with another man.

Clementi had posted on his Facebook account: "Jumping off the gw bridge sorry."

Last month, authorities in Pittsburg, Calif., said a man posted a suicide note on Facebook before he killed his wife and in-laws, then himself.

In July, police in Pennsylvania said they believed they were able to help prevent a man's suicide after his friend in California alerted police about a distraught Facebook posting. Police met with the man, who was then admitted to a hospital.

Google and Yahoo have long provided Lifeline's phone number as the first result when someone searches for "suicide." Through email, Facebook directed users to the hotline or encouraged friends to call police if they perceived someone was about to do harm.

The new service goes a step further. Here's how it works:

A user spots a suicidal comment on a friend's page. He then clicks on a "report" button next to the posting that leads to a series of questions about the nature of the post, including whether it is violent, harassing, hate speech or harmful behavior.

If harmful behavior is clicked, then self-harm, Facebook's user safety team reviews it and sends it to Lifeline. Once the comment is determined to be legitimate, Facebook sends an email to the user who originally posted the thoughts perceived as suicidal. The email includes Lifeline's phone number and a link to start a confidential chat session. The recipient decides whether to respond.

Facebook also sends an email to the person who reported the content to let the person know that the site responded. If a suicide or other threats appear imminent, Facebook encourages friends to call law enforcement.

The vetting process guards against any misuse and harassment and keeps the experience within the user's control, Wolens said.

Facebook, however, has not created any software that searches the site for suicidal expressions. It would be far too difficult with so many users and so many comments that could be misinterpreted by a computer algorithm, Wolens said.

"The only people who will have a really good idea of what's going on is your friends. So we're encouraging them to speak up and giving them an easy and quick way to get help," he said.

The Lifeline currently responds to dozens of users on Facebook each day. Crisis center workers will be available 24 hours a day to respond to users selecting the chat option.

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A new Facebook feature that lets users report “suicidal content” to website administrators is raising big brother concerns, but experts and educators say it could be a powerful tool to combat suicides.

“Anything like that would help,” said Bridgewater/Raynham Superintendent Jacqueline Forbes, whose district is reeling over the suicides last week of two recent graduates of Bridgewater-Raynham Regional High School. “It’s a good, positive outreach to people in need.”

The feature launched this week allows Facebook users to report content characterized as a cry for help. Once Facebook’s “safety team” is alerted, it immediately sends a private message to the user in distress, providing a link to a live chat with a mental health professional and phone numbers for suicide prevention hotlines.

“That’s when they’re at the highest risk, in that moment (when suicidal comments are made),” said Dr. Mark Schechter, chairman of the psychiatry department at North Shore Medical Center. “If you can get someone through a suicidal crisis, there’s a 90 percent chance they’re not going to kill themselves.”

The new feature is praised by suicide prevention advocates, but some social media experts are questioning whether it’s too invasive.

“I think this will change people’s outlook on what Facebook is,” said Mina Tsay, assistant professor of mass communication at Boston University. “Basically, our spaces aren’t private anymore.

“There’s room for misinterpretation. In some cases, receiving something like this could be an invasion of privacy,” Tsay added.

That’s true, said David Gerzof Richard, professor of social media and marketing at Emerson College, but he said the positives outweigh the negatives.

“When you think about someone alone in a room, they used to pick up the phone if they were in trouble. Now, they’d probably go on Facebook,” he said. “If that person has 100 (Facebook) friends, the potential to save that person has increased 100 times.”

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Beloved Weatherman's Suicide
Leaves Kansas City Stunned, Grieving

Kansas City's weather forecasters occupy a conflicting position in the public psyche: They're at once adored cult figures and targets of wrath, cheered for their personalities and accosted for misfires on predicting the oft-dramatic storm systems that traverse America’s mid-section.

Often longtime residents, the forecasters are such local fixtures that their lives are subject to rampant casual scrutiny and gossip in a town where sometimes it can be a little hard to hide.

So when local FOX 4 weatherman Don Harman committed suicide last week at the age of 41, it was almost as if someone had ripped out a chunk of Kansas City skyline, exposing the close bond residents have with the familiar strangers who bring the weather into their homes.

"I miss watching him in the morning! I used to lay in bed every morning until I saw the weather report from him," one woman confessed on Facebook, where tributes poured out after the suicide.

Harman, who is survived by a wife and daughter, was part of the highest-rated morning show in Kansas City for more than a decade. "Don Harman is gone so ain't no weather forecast going to be accurate," another tweeted.

Harman’s popularity in life —he was known for his great humor —has made his death hard to downplay in a place where suicides typically pass quietly, a collision of social taboos over suicide, wishes to respect family and quieter worries that too much attention could lead to copycats. Indeed, much of the aftermath played out live.

“Harman’s close friend and morning show co-host Mark Alford looked shell-shocked as he read the announcement at 4:45 a.m. asking for patience from viewers who were bombarding the station’s switchboard and posting messages to social media,” noted Kansas City Star TV critic Aaron Barnhart.    The announcements continued throughout the day, and Harman’s colleagues later wept as they discussed his death on-air.

But Harman’s public standing has also turned an often hush-hush subject into a moment of public awareness. Harman’s family did agree to interviews with FOX CHANNEL 4 “in hopes that will help erase the stigma of depression and suicide.”        

Meanwhile, a public memorial is set for Dec. 17, which Kansas City Mayor Sly James announced Thursday would be “Don Harman Day.”

“The difficulty in this job is to have that good blend of left-brain, right-brain,” local KMBC-TV meteorologist Bryan Busby told the Kansas City Star.

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Recent Deaths Spur Suicide Discussion
By Amy Carboneau : Enterprise Staff Writer

As recent Bridgewater-Raynham High graduates return home from college for the winter break, mental health experts are urging parents to take some time out of the holiday celebrations for some serious talk.

It’s a good time for parents to see how their kids are dealing with the inevitable stress of college – the school work, the social scene, the homesickness. It’s also a good time to check in with students about how they are coping with the deaths last week of three young B-R graduates, counselors say.

All three were away at college. At least one of the deaths has been confirmed a suicide.

“Twenty years ago, there was this myth that bringing up suicide would plant the idea in someone’s head. We know that’s not the case,” said Courtney Knowles, a spokesman for the Jed Foundation, a New York-based nonprofit working to reduce the rate of suicide and emotional distress among college students.

“If there’s a voice in the back of your head that says, ‘I don’t think something’s right,’ trust your instinct,” Knowles said.

Suicide is the second-leading cause of death among college students. The leading cause is car accidents, like the one last weekend that killed Ashley Donahue, 20, of Bridgewater. The Framingham State sophomore and only child was killed on Dec. 3 when she was thrown from a car driven by a friend.

A day earlier, another B-R grad, Bobby Bynarowicz Jr., 23, a UMass-Dartmouth business major, was found dead. And this past Wednesday, Jeffrey Cooney, a 19-year-old freshman at Stonehill College in Easton, killed himself in his dorm room.

High school Principal Angela Watson said many B-R students were devastated by the deaths, especially, she said, by the suicides. “You don’t want to put on blinders and say it didn’t happen. It did happen,” Watson said Thursday.

Knowles said having college-age students home for a week or two gives parents and other loved ones, including friends, an opportunity to look for any worrying changes in behavior or mood.

If parents do note odd behavior, Knowles said, “It’s OK to ask, ‘have you been thinking about hurting yourself’.... It’s always better to be safe than sorry.”

Jim McCauley is associate director of Riverside Trauma Center in Dedham, and recently worked with Bridgewater-Raynham Regional High School to provide suicide prevention counseling to staff.

He praised B-R for doing everything a school should do, he said, in a situation like this: reaching out to students who were close to the recent graduates who died, and having a program in place (“Signs of suicide”) to teach peers how to respond, and how they can help take preventative measures when they see a friend in trouble.

“A lot of times students who may be thinking about suicide, they tend not to talk with adults, but what they do is they talk to friends,” McCauley said. “And we want the friends to go immediately and find a responsible adult. Even if their friend is going to be mad at them.”

A 2010 study of more than 2,000 college students showed that 20 percent of the students surveyed said that they had a friend or friends who had talked about wanting to end their lives within the past year and 13 percent said that a friend had attempted suicide. The report was done by the Jed Foundation in collaboration with the Associated Press and mtvU, MTV’s 24-hour college network.

Stephan Weiss, a psychologist on the board of directors of the American College Health Knights of Columbus, said programs are in place in most schools to help students suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts.

But some schools lack the resources to provide emergency care to young people in crisis, eh said.

But even a peer counseling group trained to respond to certain situations can be effective, said Weiss. But some schools are lacking resources to provide immediate care. And getting students who need help to someone who can provide it, doesn’t always happen.

The stigma attached to feelings of despair is still strong, Knowles said. Going to the doctor with an ache that won’t go away is socially acceptable, he said. But society is not as kind to those struggling with a “weird feeling” they can’t seem to shake.

“Going to a counselor doesn’t mean your crazy,” he added. “It means you’re dealing with some stuff that you need help with.”

At Stonehill, where Cooney was a freshman, spokeman Martin McGovern said there are many resources available, including a counseling and testing center, the office of campus ministry and staff members whose doors are open 24 hours a day.

Students and parents can use the website halfofus.com to check out what mental health resources are available at their school.

College, Knowles added, can be difficult for anyone. “Everybody gets stressed. Everybody gets sad. Everybody gets anxious,” he said. “But there is help available,” he added.

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KNOW WARNING SIGNS OF SOMEONE
            WEIGHING SUICIDE AS AN OPTION

Suicide is a subject most people consider taboo. Just saying the word stirs some uncomfortable emotions. Many people are unwilling to recognize that many still see it as a “way out.”

The Stanislaus County Community Health Assessment 2008 data summary on intentional injuries reported that from 2001 to 2004, the county’s suicide rate rose from 7 to 12 suicides per 100,000 residents. This increase left Stanislaus County with the highest suicide rate compared with all of the San Joaquin Valley and California in 2004 (9 per 100,000 residents for both).

A co-worker and I recently participated in a college and career day at a local high school. A week earlier, a girl at the school had died, apparently as a result of a suicide. Nearly every student that came to our table to get information on becoming a mental health and substance abuse counselor shared the story of their peer. Most shared how they had no idea she was contemplating suicide and that they never would have thought she would do something like this. It was definitely an eye opener for that community.

Most people who commit suicide don’t really want to die; they just want to stop hurting.

Suicide prevention starts with recognizing the warning signs and taking these signs seriously. Signs include: talking about suicide; seeking out lethal means such as guns, pills, knives, etc.; preoccupation with death; no hope for the future; self loathing or hatred; getting affairs in order; saying goodbye; withdrawing from others; self-destructive behavior such as increased alcohol or drug use, reckless driving, etc.; and a sudden sense of calm. A sudden sense of calm and happiness after being depressed can mean the person has made a decision to commit suicide.

There are many common risk factors for suicide. They include: mental illness, a family history of suicide, previous suicide attempts, terminal illness or chronic pain, recent loss or stressful life event, social isolation and loneliness, a history of trauma or abuse, and alcoholism or drug abuse.

According to a national organization tracking suicide and substance abuse, about half of all suicide attempts involve alcohol and illegal drugs. A quarter of the completed suicides occur among drug abusers and those with alcohol abuse.

Studies show that young adults who drink heavily have an increased risk of suicide in middle age. In fact, suicide is among the most significant causes of death in male and female substance abusers. The Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration, part of the federal government, reports that “the combination of alcohol and depression increases the rate of suicide attempts by 12 percent, while the combination of drug abuse and depression raises the figure to almost 20 percent.”

What can you do if you think someone is contemplating suicide? Here are some tips: Speak up if you are worried. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but this may provide some relief to the person contemplating it. You should respond quickly in a crisis. If someone tells you he or she is thinking about death or suicide, it is important to have them individual evaluated as quickly as possible. Someone who is high risk in the near future to attempt suicide will have a plan, the means to carry out the plan, a time set for doing it, and an intention to do it. Offer help and support, which can include an ear to listen and-or getting professional help.

If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide or is feeling desperate or hopeless, there is help. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

It’s free and available 24-7.

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“ SHARING AND HEALING ”   

                                  ARTICLES IN THIS ISSUE
                                         “Grieving Notes”
                                  “Battle of Tears”    
                  O, yes! People Do Say Stupid Things
                          Book Review “Half In Love”    
                 Work for Prevention of Youth Suicide
                      Parents Sue School District
                       Coping With The Holidays

                           Rich Schwoebel Letter
                            WEB Site Addresses    

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Oh, Yes!   People Do Say Stupid Things

I’m sure you’ve realized by now that many people don’t know what to say to a grieving person.
It will always be best to say nothing than some of these wrong things !

↝ Time heals all wounds.

↝ You’ll be stronger because of this.

↝ Don't you think It is time for you to move on with your life?

↝ Don't worry you'll see him or her again someday.    

↝ He is or she is not hurting anymore.

↝ I know what you are going through.

↝ It was the will of God.  (As though the loss is some kind of punishment, retribution, or reward.)

↝ God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle.

↝ Maybe it was for the best.

↝ People die everyday.

↝ Stop dwelling on it.

↝ They are in a better place.

↝ When you get around to it, I would like to have this item or that item.

↝ When are you going to get rid of this stuff?

↝ You’re young. You’ll find someone else.

↝ You have other children  -or-  you can have another child.

↝ I know how you feel.


Most people are well intentioned. They just truly don’t realize how phrases like these diminish your unique and significant loss. America’s poet, Maya Angelou, wrote, “You did what you knew how to do and when you knew better, you did better.” Perhaps, instead of getting angry at poor intentions, you can keep in mind that they really and truly are trying to help.

Most widows and widowers just need a hug or someone to be there even if they don't utter a word and just listen.  Divorce is not the same as the death of a spouse. Yes, in divorce you are mourning the loss of a life together, hopes and dreams that have ended but that person is still on this earth walking, talking and breathing. You still have that choice if you want to talk with them. Death takes that choice away.

The depth of pain associated with the death of a child is inmeasureable. We are conditioned as we grow up to realize that mom, dad, grandma and grandpa will more than likely die first. After the loss to suicide you are forever changed.

Delaying the grieving process not only prolongs your healing time, it can be worse for you in the long run. Holding it all in to "be strong" for everyone else can affect your own health, mental status and well being.

If you are the one dealing with a death, seek support from your family and friends. Enter into an honest and frank discussion about your loss, your pain, and your fears. Find a support group locally or even on the internet.

If you are a family member, a friend or coworker of someone dealing with a loss, just be there for them. Let them talk, ramble, rant, rave or whatever they need to do. There are only two things that they can do wrong —and that is to hurt themselves or anyone else.

Most of the time all that is necessary is a gentle squeeze of the hand, a light kiss, an earnest hug, and your presence.
If you just have to say something   ...let it be a simple,  "I'm sorry and I truly care."

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BOOK REVIEW                

                    “HALF IN LOVE : Surviving the Legacy of Suicide”
                               By Linda Sexton  (- A Holder of Hope for the Depressed)

Author Linda Gray Sexton learned about depression the hard way. When she was 21, her mother, Pulitzer Prize-winning poet Anne Sexton, committed suicide by inhaling carbon monoxide in the garage of their Boston home.

Her mother's death was a shock for Sexton, who was in college at the time. But an even greater shock came in the next few years, as Sexton realized that she, too, was seriously ill. She descended to the depths of depression, eventually making multiple attempts to end her own life.

It was a brutal experience, and Sexton now says that one of the worst aspects was the knowledge that she was following in her mother's footsteps. She writes about her illness  —and the long process of recovery  —in her new memoir,  "Half in Love: Surviving the Legacy of Suicide" (Counterpoint Press, $25, 320 pages). It's a powerful, often harrowing tale, and Sexton tells it with insight and unflinching honesty.

One thing Sexton didn't know at the time of her mother's death was that depression, and suicidal tendencies, can be inherited. In a recent interview in Berkeley, the Redwood City-based author, 57, said that her own illness came as a surprise.

"At 21, I was in denial," says Sexton. "At the time my mother died, I kind of resolved that I would never have a mental breakdown; that it would never happen to me the way it had happened to her. It really took me by surprise when I found myself faltering and unable to deal with life in exactly the same ways that she had been unable to deal with hers. It was only later that I began to realize the full ramifications of depression, how it is inheritable and how I was going to struggle in the same way she had."

Sexton recalls having dark feelings as a teenager and experiencing bouts of depression in college. But it wasn't until after she completed her first memoir, "Searching for Mercy Street"  —which, ironically, was about coming to terms with her mother's death  —that she became recognizably ill.

"In that book, I had talked about forgiving my mother for the kind of parent she was, and for the difficulty she had in parenting," says Sexton. "Then I began to realize that I really hadn't resolved my feelings about her death.”

"It was humiliating. In 'Mercy Street,' I wrote about feeling strong and not succumbing to depression  —about being able to conquer it. Here I'd written about it publicly, about how I'd overcome it. Now I was overwhelmed by it, completely unable to cope."

Sexton now knows that her experience wasn't unusual.  "Half in Love" outlines alarming statistics on depression and suicide compiled in recent years: Someone commits suicide every 17 minutes in the United States, and nearly a million people worldwide take their own lives each year. Ninety percent of people who commit suicide suffer from mental illness such as depression or bipolar disorder. Suicide is the third-highest cause of death among teenagers, and among adult children of depressed parents, rates of depression and anxiety disorders are three times higher than those of the general population.

Sexton, who has written four novels and a biography, "Anne Sexton: A Self-Portrait in Letters," knew something was not right with her mother. Manic bursts of energy were followed by prolonged lows; repeated suicide attempts led to hospitalizations. In retrospect, says Sexton, her mother never was properly diagnosed.

Sexton's own depression started in the 1980s and crept up gradually. Although she was happily married with two small children, she began to experience long stretches of time "in a dark tunnel." One night, she locked herself in the bathroom and slit her wrists.

A bewildering series of events followed  —hospitalization, therapy with numerous doctors whose approaches, she says, were often at odds with each other. Despite medical care, her depression continued to worsen. She numbed the pain by self-mutilating (cutting), self-medicating (with alcohol) and, finally, simply sleeping for days at a time. Many friends and relatives drifted away. Her marriage unraveled. She attempted suicide two more times.

To meet her now, one would never guess that Sexton  —a petite, attractive blonde with a warm smile  —had been through such a crisis. She says that's one of the reasons she wrote "Half in Love." "Depression is still very much in the closet," she says, "and a lot of people don't want to let it out."

She attributes her recovery to three factors. She eventually found a therapist willing to treat suicidal patients (many won't, she notes.) With a combination of drug and "talk" therapy, the medications finally started to work. And Sexton started a new relationship, with a man she describes as wholly supportive. They married in 2009.

Today, she's feeling well. She's repaired relationships with family members; her sons, 26 and 28, are still in her life. She's on the board of Families for Depression Awareness,  a national organization providing education and outreach to families of depressed persons. She maintains a website  www.lindagraysexton.com with a message board and discussion groups and often speaks publicly about depression; the U.S. Army, in light of high rates of suicide among Iraq War veterans, has asked her to give a talk in Washington, D.C., this fall. "Mercy Street" has just been reissued in paperback.

And she gets mail from people who are depressed, many of whom have attempted suicide themselves.

"Half in Love" is for them, says Sexton. "I want them to know that survival is possible," she says. "That recovery is possible. One of the reasons I got better is that my therapist said, 'I will take hope and hold it for you until you're ready to take it and hold it yourself.' She offered me that possibility. I feel very hopeful now, but a lot of these people have no hope at all. And I want to hold hope for them."

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Mothers Work for Prevention of Youth Suicide  :  2011

Aside from memories, all Laurie Munley has left of her 17-year-old son fits into a small shopping bag. Inside are photographs of Robert as a smiling fourth-grader, a freshman football player and a handsome flirt who had no trouble attracting female attention.

Beneath the photographs rests a manila envelope stuffed with four sheets of notebook paper. Scrawled with crude drawings and tortured thoughts, the papers were found on the passenger seat of Robert's car. He was in the driver's seat, dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. No goodbye. No explanation. No dying declaration. Just four scraps of paper and a wound that will never heal.

In 2002, youth suicide was still a background topic in the American discussion — taboo in many families, schools and other institutions and too complicated for a news media focused on topics easily cast in black and white. A recent rash of youth suicides nationally and in Northeast Pennsylvania, however, has given the issue new cache with news organizations and new urgency with parents and public officials.

Since 2005, 18 Lackawanna County youths ages 15 through 20 have committed suicide, six in 2010 alone, according to county coroner's office records.

Suicide is the third-leading cause of death for people between the ages of 15 and 24, and the sixth-leading cause of death among children ages 5 to 14, according to the American Academy of Child Adolescent Psychiatry. Nearly 5,000 American teens and young adults take their own lives every year. Suicide is the second-leading cause of death on college campuses, and self-inflicted injuries account for nearly half a million emergency room visits annually, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Suicide prevention advocates in the public and private sectors are determined to seize the moment and push for action. Some of the most determined advocates are the mothers of suicide victims. Like Munley, Faber, of Forest City, has teamed with Kathy Wallace, director of Advocacy and Community Mental Health Services for the Scranton-based Advocacy Alliance, to raise awareness for greater access to counseling for at-risk teens and their peers and families.

The Advocacy Alliance was selected as Lackawanna County coordinator of a pilot program to train primary care physicians to screen patients ages 14 to 24 for depression as part of routine physical examinations. Most people who commit suicide have a treatable mental illness, most commonly depression, but rarely seek treatment. Up to 75 percent have seen a primary care physician in the past 30 days, according to the American Journal of Psychiatry.

Untreated depression is especially damaging to children and teens, who are naturally impulsive and mentally and physically predisposed to magnify even the slightest setback, said Jean Rosencrance, director of trauma services for the Lackawanna County district attorney's office. "When teenagers are hungry, they are balls of hunger," she said. "When they are in pain, they are balls of pain. They can't see anything else but that. Coupled with depression, it causes you to focus on the negative, 'I am not worth anything and this will never end.'"

Feeling trapped in torment, dangerously depressed youths seek a "permanent solution to a temporary problem," Rosencrance said.

While bringing primary care physicians into the suicide prevention loop is a promising step forward, Wallace said schools remain reluctant to implement training programs for staff and faculty, which the Advocacy Alliance provides free of charge. School directors and administrators often cite liability concerns as reasons for rejecting suicide prevention training. If they address the issue and a student commits suicide, they fear being sued. School officials are also apt to downplay a student's suicide for fear of inspiring copycats.

Attitudes may be changing, however, and a recent spate of lawsuits filed across the country should be a wake-up call for school officials, Wallace said. While most of the suits center on bullying, a key component of many is the lack of suicide prevention training for administration, faculty and staff.

Scranton High School has recently taken the lead in addressing teen suicide, Wallace said. The November suicide of a student sparked multiple calls from parents asking what the administration was going to do. Principal Eric Schaeffer took the parents' concerns to heart, she said. Schaeffer said he is committed to making suicide prevention a priority, but the schools can't do it alone. Parents must get involved, Schaeffer added.  "I'm very encouraged by what he's trying to do there, and I'm committed to working with him," Wallace said.

"It's got to be a partnership," he said, expressing disappointment that only about 100 people turned out for a January panel discussion that included Wallace and representatives of the medical, legal and school communities. Faber attended the forum, which led her to Wallace.

"I was disappointed with the turnout, but I'm not going to give up," he said. "And I don't think the people I'm working with are going to give up, either."

Schools can be a "huge front line defense" against youth suicide, said Nancy Rappaport, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of school-based programs at Cambridge Health Alliance. Fear of inspiring copycats is overblown, and failing to train staff and students to recognize the signs of depression is asking for trouble.

"Talking about suicide doesn't make you commit suicide," she said. "In fact, it may be an opportunity to show them that you really care and want to help them find a better way."

If his fellow students and school administrators had been trained to recognize his deepening depression, Munley believes her son could have been saved. The signs were there, she said. On the ladder of suicide risk indicators, Robert's descent into self-ruin touched on nearly every rung.

At age 7, Robert witnessed the violent break-up of his parents' marriage over the Christmas holidays. When he returned from vacation, his kindergarten teacher noticed disturbing changes. The sweet, outgoing little boy who easily made friends suddenly became sullen, short-tempered and violent. Munley chalked the changes up to the divorce and figured Robert would adjust with time. Two and a half years later, she began dating Robert's eventual stepfather and became pregnant. The boy resented the new rival for his mother's attention and began acting out.

"His actions became more aggressive, especially toward his siblings," Munley says. "At one point, he tried to choke his brother with a belt and put tacks in his bed.

She took Robert to another therapist. And another. And another. Each offered the same diagnosis: sibling rivalry. Finally, a psychiatrist suggested medication. Robert refused to take it.
As he entered his freshman year of high school, Robert seemed to have turned a corner. His grades earned him a partial scholarship to Bishop O'Hara High School (now Holy Cross), and he went out for football.

When Munley picked up Robert's report card on parents' night, she was told he was disruptive and disrespectful in class. She was crushed and confronted her son. He claimed the teachers were bullies, and he was merely standing up for himself and his classmates. She had Robert evaluated again, and was told he was "intelligent, charming and possibly bored in class."

The slide worsened in his sophomore year. Robert's grades fell, and his fighting with other students led to mandatory anger management courses. The escalating battles with his stepfather created constant turmoil. "I was angry at him, thinking there was nothing wrong with him, that he was just a bad kid," Munley says. "He was grounded all the time."

In his junior year, Robert started a volatile relationship with a girl his age. His grades dropped again. He spent hours on the computer, had trouble sleeping and lost weight. He wore dirty clothes and always seemed agitated. Munley had him tested for drugs. A first test was positive; a second, negative. She took Robert to his family doctor and asked for a depression screening. After speaking with Robert privately, the doctor said the screening was unnecessary.

Soon after, Robert and his girlfriend broke up. He went to Lowe's and bought duct tape and a hose and drove to a spot in Scott Township, where they sometimes went to be alone. He ran the hose from the exhaust into the window and left the car running. A couple driving by spotted the car and called 911. Robert was taken to Community Medical Center and revived.

The attempt landed him in First Hospital Wyoming Valley in Wilkes-Barre for inpatient psychiatric therapy. He pleaded to come home, insisted he had made a mistake, nothing more, and had no intention of trying to harm himself again. After two weeks, the doctors agreed and he was released. Robert said he was going to live with his father, Munley told him she would rather he stay with her, but would not stop him. It was the last time she saw Robert alive. On June 25, 2002, Robert ended his own life with a hunting rifle.

"I tried to see him, but the police wouldn't let me in," Munley says. "I remember meeting with the funeral home counselor to pick out a casket. She said she couldn't fix him for an open-casket viewing."

"Every time I go back and relive it, the pain is as fresh as in 2002. I wish I had pursued the depression screening. I wish I had been a better mother. I wish I stood up to the psychologist in the hospital. I wish I had told him I loved him more. I wish I had shown him more support, so he had somewhere to come and talk."

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PARENTS SUE SCHOOL DISTRICT AFTER TEEN'S SUICIDE
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla  -   2011

The parents of a 13-year-old American girl who hanged herself in 2009 after being ridiculed by classmates for texting a suggestive photo of herself to a boy have sued the school district. Hope Witsell's parents said Hillsborough County school officials failed to take appropriate action after learning the teen had suicidal thoughts, according to a lawsuit filed this week in federal court in Tampa, Florida.

The eighth grader killed herself in her bedroom on September 12, 2009. At the time, she was enduring harassment from other students over a sexting incident that occurred at the end of the prior school year. Her mother later discovered a copy of a "no-harm contract" in which her daughter agreed not to attempt suicide and to call a school social worker if she was considering ending her life, the lawsuit said. It was signed the day before Witsell died.
Donna and Charles Witsell said the social worker did not tell them that she met with their daughter or share concerns about shallow cuts seen on the teen's thigh. They claim that the social worker also failed to involve the school psychologist, principal, school resource officer or Hope Witsell's assigned scholastic counselor.

The social worker "squandered the trust, confidence and critical knowledge bestowed exclusively upon her" by Hope Witsell, the lawsuit said. The parents accuse the school district of negligence and violating the teen's and their own constitutional rights. The school district does not comment on pending litigation, spokeswoman Linda Cobbe said Thursday.    

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Coping With The Holidays

Holidays and special days, such as birthdays, anniversaries graduations, weddings, and Easter, to name a few, are all difficult days for the bereaved, but for many, the most difficult holiday of the year is Christmas. This day more than any other means family together. It is at this time we are so acutely aware of the death of someone we love. For many of us, the wish is to go quickly from Dec. 1st to Jan. 1st. We continually hear Christmas Carols, people wishing everyone, "Merry Christmas."  We see the perfect gift for our dead child, spouse, or relative and suddenly realize they will not be here.

Listed below are some ideas and suggestions that others have found helpful in coping with the Holiday Season. Choose only the one(s) that will help you.

✓  Family get-togethers may be extremely difficult. Be honest with each other about your feelings. Sit down with your family and decide what you want and need to do for the holiday season. Don't set expectations too high for yourself during those days. If you wish things to be the same, you are going to be disappointed. Do things a little differently. Undertake only what each family member can handle comfortably.

✓    There is no right or wrong way to handle the day. Some may wish to follow family traditions, while others may choose to change.

✓    Keep in mind the feelings of your children or family members. Try to make the holiday season as joyous as possible for them.

✓    Be careful of the "shoulds." It is better to do what is most helpful for you and your family. If a situation looks especially difficult over the holidays, you may choose to not get involved.

✓   Set your limitations. Realize that it isn't going to be easy. Do the things that are very special and/or important to you. Do the best that you can.

✓    Once you have made the decision on the role you and your family will play during the holidays, let relatives and friends know.

✓   Baking and cleaning the house can get out of proportion. If these chores are enjoyable, go ahead, but not to the point that it is tiring. Either buy baked goods or go without this year.

✓   If you used to cut your own tree, consider buying it already cut this year. Let your children, other family members, neighboring teens, friends, or people from your church help with the decorating of the tree and house. If you choose not to have a tree this year —that’s ok too.

✓    Emotionally, physically, and psychologically it is draining. You need every bit of strength. Try to get enough rest.

✓    What you choose to do the first year you don't have to do the next.

✓    One possibility for the first year may be to visit relatives, friends, or even go away on a vacation. Planning, packing, etc., keeps your mind somewhat off the holiday and you share the time in a different and hopefully less painful setting.

✓    How do we answer, "Happy Holidays?"  You may say, "I'll try" or "Best wishes to you." Your response with a polite smile can be the best for you this year.

✓    If shopping seems to be too much, have your relative or close friend help you. Consider shopping through a catalogue.

✓    If you are accustomed to having Christmas dinner at your home, change and go to relatives, or even to a special restaurant. Some people do find it helpful to be involved in the activity of preparing a large meal. Serving buffet style and/or eating in a different room may help.

✓    Try attending religious services at a different time at your church, synagogue, or temple.

Some people fear crying in public, especially at religious services. It is usually better not to push the tears down any time. You should be gentle with yourself and not expect too much of yourself. Worrying about crying is an additional burden. If you let go and cry, you probably will feel better. It should not ruin the day for other family members, but will provide them with the same freedom.

✓    Cut back on your card sending. It is not necessary to send cards, especially to those people we will see over the holidays.

✓    Do something for someone else, such as volunteer work at soup kitchens or visit the lonely and shut-ins. Ask someone who is alone to share the day with your family. Provide help for a needy family.

✓    Donate a gift or money in your loved one's name.

✓    Share your concerns, feelings, apprehensions, etc. with a relative or friend as the holiday approaches. Tell them that this is a difficult time for you. Accept their help. You will appreciate their love and support at this time.

✓    Holidays often magnify feelings of loss of a loved one. It is important and natural to experience the sadness that comes. To block such feelings is unhealthy. Keep the positive memory of the loved one alive.

✓    Often after the first year the people in your life may expect you to be over it. We are never over it but the experience of many bereaved is that eventually they enjoy the holidays again. Hold on to HOPE.

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DEAR SOS MEMBERS
A few months ago, we asked you to write down your thoughts / words on how SOS and or how Rich Schwoebel have affected you and or what SOS has meant to you. He started SOS many years ago, and it is the longest running support group here in New Mexico.
Thank you for your participation on this project, the scrap book turned out very nice, and was given to Rich last month. It was a wonderful gift to give Rich. I know I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for these meetings.
Best wishes . . .
                              Dayna,  SOS volunteer

 

Here is the thank you note from Rich :

Dear Participants in Survivors of Suicide of New Mexico September 2011

A few weeks ago Linda Vigil and Dayna Anton visited to present to me your large volume of personnel recollections written by several of you participating in meetings of Survivors of Suicide in the Albuquerque area. I can’t thank you enough. I have read the wonderful heart felt thoughts that you have expressed, and I am deeply moved by your gratitude and many insights. It is truly a wonderful collection and I shall always cherish your expressions of thanks. Of course, we need always to thank one another for the insightful sharing that has moved all of us on our path toward wholeness and recovery as we minister to one another.

While our tragic losses remain with us, I think many of us have come to believe that wonderful things that can emerge from such devastating events. These are events that have irreversibly changed our lives into ones of greater sensitivity, and with perspectives that often encourage us to share them with others in their time of need. We have been forever sensitized by these sudden and unexpected losses. As survivors we can, perhaps better than any others, reach out with compassion and care to those with recent losses and help them find healing and new measures of understanding. We can walk with them as they find renewed trust and faith in their lives.

I know that many of you have found a personal ministry in reaching out to survivors not only in our midst, but also to those who have suffered other losses. We need one another as we move past such events and toward a new life that honors those very special people that we have lost and who will always mean so much to us.

An important expression of thanks can be found in assisting Marion, Al and Linda, and the many volunteers who support and nurture the important work of SOS. And indeed, support the broader effort to the prevention of suicide efforts that now are part of a national effort.

Thank you again for your thoughtful remembrance.

Rich Schwoebel,   (Albuquerque)

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